Here’s more of the nonsense I started yesterday. Today’s the end. From a San Diego Union-Tribune story1/7/02. Found on resumes. “OBJECTIVE: I’m very good on the phone and have patients to work with difficult customers.” “SPECIAL SKILLS: Music wrritter.”
In 12/14/01, from a book of mangled moments. “History, after all, is nothing more than ‘the behind of the present’…This gives incites from the anals of the past.”
From a Dear Abby column, No Date. A lady wrote that the obituary had the wrong age of her deceased mother. Should she inform the paper? Abby replied, “it’s better to leave bad enough alone.” She offered some “corrected” mistakes as an example. Here’s one. (Monday) “FOR SALE” – R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone… after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.” (Tuesday) in correction, “We regret have erred in R.D. Jones’ ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone…and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.” The Thursday edition included a reply from R.D. Jones himself. He denied having a sewing machine for sale—he had SMASHED it. He had not been having an affair with Mrs. Kelly. She HAD been his housekeeper, but quit after the mistaken ads ran.
Sportscaster Bob Starr explained, “So Williams strikes out into a double play. And that’s one away. San Diego Union, 7/12/93
From Ann Landers, San Diego Union 1/24/97. Answers to a Bible test. Who was Noah’s wife? Joan of Ark. What was Lot’s wife? A pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night. What is the seventh commandment? Thou shalt not admit adultery. Who were the epistles? Wives of the apostles.
There’s plenty more, but as Bugs Bunny used to say, “That’s all folks.”